26 August 2009

Mixed Quotes

I'm a skinny white girl on the outside... but on the inside.. I am a large black man" 
 
If you judge people, you have no time to love them


You might regret what you do but you will regret what you dont do so much more!


Every time I fall in love...I fall for someone new...Still I always find myself...falling back in love w/ you!!!


Friends are quite like angels who life us to our feet when our wings forget how to fly"


I didnt make it to college and check me out, Im kick ass!-Jack Black


Excuses are like a-s-s holes. everybodys got em and they all stink!

opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."


you only live once, but if you work it right once is enough


when all else fails and your hand is still cold just sit on it!"


Winners never quit and quitters never win.


If love isn't a game, then why are there so many players?


Men are like public toilets, their either full of crap or taken.


Life is to short to date ugly guys.


smile never frown b/c you never know who fallen in love with your smile.


The one you love the most is always the one to let you down the hardest.


You can fall from a tree, you can fall from the sky, but the best way to fall is in love with me.


Don't be sad b/c its over be smile because it happened.


Don’t say you love me unless you mean it because I might do something crazy like believe it.


Everyone says you fall in love once but that’s not true because every time I hear your voice I fall in love all over again.


If you love some put their name in a circle not a heart because hearts can be broken and a circle goes on forever.


To the world your one person but to one person you mean the world.


Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each one with a reason I love you I was doing fine until I ran out of stars.


Milk does a body good but dang how much did you drink?


don’t settle for the one you can live without settle for the one you can't live without u
I'm loved by some hated by many envied by most yet want plenty.


If your naughty go 2 your room if you want to be naughty go to mine


girls are like phones we liked to be held and talked to but if you press the wrong buttons you'll be disconnected.


God made land god made the sea god needed a princess so he made me.
Don't hate the playa hate the game


You laugh at me because I’m different I laugh at you because your all the same

I'm not anti social I just don't like you


Guys are like stars, there are a million of them, but only one will make your dreams come true


If you love something, let it go, if it comes back its yours if it doesn't it never was


It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone- but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.


I always knew I'd look back on the times I cried, and laugh, but I never thought I'd look back on the times I laughed, and cry


To the world you may be one person but to one person you may just be the world


The one person that you can truly love is often right in front of you


Best friends are like diamonds -- precious and rare; False friends are like leaves - - found everywhere


If You Love Me... Let Me Know... If You Don't... Then Let Me Go...


It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does...


Many of life's failures are people who didn't realize how close to success they were when they gave up


Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to
what you don't say.


If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them.


Fine guys open my eyes, smart guys open my mind, but only a sweet guy can open my heart.


Don't tell me how to pick my friends I'm good at it..remember I picked you.


Should I smile because you’re my friend or cry because that’s all we'll ever be?

no one's a virgin life screws us all


it takes a minute to have a crush on someone an hour to like someone a day to love some but it takes a life time to forget someone


If guys had periods, they would compare tampons
crazy days hilarious nights boy talks and silly fights but no matter what we will always be tight

I'm an angel in the eyes, but a devil in disguise


excuse me, do u have a band-aid? I scraped my knee when I fell for u


Sweet as Heaven Hot as Hell


nice ass where did u buy it?


just before you come in my house will you put on a mask I don’t want any of my mirrors breaking


do u think I’m stupid? well your...right


People are going to talk about you especially when the envy you and the life you live, let them, just remember theat you affected there life they didnt affect yours!


Friends are Gods way of apologizing for our families!


I aint after your man, hes after me if you want your man keep him on your side if he flags his train then baby im gonna let him ride!


i wish my mom told me the same thing about guys that she did about scary movies "honey, most of them are fake"


you look at me and say " Girl, you’ve been blessed" but you cant see inside all of this unhappiness!!


can i borrow your library card because i lost mine and i would like to check you out!

If love isnt a game why are there so many players?


When we find the right guy why do we wonder why hes not taken?


Im sorry did my back hurt your knife


i wish i may, i wish i might, oh wait i already have the guy i like!


guys r like roller coasters, they either give you the time of your life or make you sick to your stomach!


first God created man, then he had a better idea!


Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant, like having a peeing section in a pool!


My cow died, I don’t talk and lucky for you they don’t laugh!


A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, a kiss isn’t a kiss, without some tongue!


Im sweet like sugar, soft like rain, but unlike the Nintendo i never get played!


Why do boy bands sound like girls


Why do we close are eyes when we laugh? When we dream?


When we imagine? When we kiss? Because the most beautiful things in life are left unseen!


Always have hope for the guy that turns around one last time when he walks away!


Seems like almost everything in my life is easier to get into that out of


im going to walk away, you can either let me go or make me stay!


Watch out...or you’ll run into exactly what u were running away from!


Guys always wanna be a girls first, but girls always wanna be a guys last!


Blondes tease..but Brunettes please!


People change, Things happen, but Life.Goes.On!


When your man walks by i blow him a kiss, *poof* bitch, you’ve been dismissed!!


Keep looking my way, my heads held high, u wanna bring me down, lets see you try!


Life isnt a garden so stop being a hoe!


There’s no "i" in slut, but there is a "u"!!!


Cali girls are pretty, Boston girls are smart, but it takes a Cali guy to when a girls heart!


I can be a lover a a hater, a player, but that aint my style, im nothing but a mystery w. a naughty smile!


Not anxious to die Sir, just anxious to matter!


Take every chance you get because some chances only happen once!


Im not a piece of toast so why are you buttering me??


Im through with guys they all tell lies..


Hey check out that guy who just walked in!!!!


Shop till you drop then find some boys to help you up!


R u really gonna remember to stop drop and roll when ur on fire???


Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a pool...


I went from candies and toys....to cell phones and boys


Im the kind of person my parents want me to stay away from...


If you don’t like the way I you cry!


A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, a kiss isn’t a kiss without some
tongue


Remember my name ~remember my face~ remember because there aint no
other honey that can take my place.


God created me 1st because you always have a rough draft b4 u
make the masterpiece


God made mud~ God made dirt~ God made boys so girls could flirt!!!


Boys r like gum...when they lose there flavor u just pop in a new one!

If Band-aids, Duct tape, and Tylenol cant fix it you have a serious
problem!!!


Only dead fish go with the flow!!!


I refuse to answer that question, under the grounds that I aint playing your games!

I'm sorry did my back hurt your knife?


Gentlemen prefer blondes, but they marry brunettes.


Wanted by many, taken by none, looking ta some, waiting 4 one!


Normal is only a setting on a washing machine!


Guys r like roller coasters some make you sick to your stomach and other give you the ride of your life!


First God created man, then he had a better idea.


R u really gonna remember to stop, drop, and roll when your on fire>???


Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a pool?


I went from candies and toys to cell phones and boys!


Mirrors don’t talk and lucky for you they don’t laugh!


A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, a kiss isn’t. a kiss without some tongue!


Im sweat like sugar, soft like rain, but unlike the Nintendo i never get played!!


Why do boy band sound like girls>>>>??


A friends will always be there to bail u out of jail but a best friend will be there with you saying," Damn, girl that was FUN!!"


What can be more southern than making a big deal about being southern!!???


The South is America. The South is what we started out with in this bizarre, slightly troubling, basically wonderful country---fun, danger, friendship, energy, enthusiasm, and brave, crazy, though people!!!!!!!!


A kiss blown is a kiss wasted...the only kinda real kiss is a kiss tasted!!


I don’t need your attitude...i have my own!


What u see is what u get so drool on, dream on, and move on!

Friends dont let friends drink and then take home ugly guyz


I just broke up w/ my guy and the last thing he says to me is, "Baby, you'll regret this, you'll never find anyone else like me!" and i thought if i don’t want you, why would i want anyone like you??


I think its weird when i love you, i think its weird when i care, i think its weird when i want you, when you dont even care!


Love is when you cant pay attention in class because your forever writing your first name with his last!


Sometimes you have to sacrifice love to save a friendship!


Every girl wants a guy she can go to in her sweats, hair a mess, make-up running down her face, eyes red from crying, and the first thing he says to her is, "Baby, your beautiful!" and means it!


What would you do if you weren’t afraid?? Think about it- would you go skydiving??Swim the Atlantic??i ask you again- What would u do if u weren’t afraid?? my answer....id fall in love!


A Girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty he said no, he asked him if he wanted to be with her forever. He said no. She then asked him if he would cry if she left, once again he said no. As she began to walk away with tears running down her cheeks he grabbed her arm and said, " Your not pretty, your beautiful, i don’t want to be with you, i have to be with you, and i wouldn’t cry if you left i would die!"


Never frown because you never know who’s falling in love w/ your smile!


He asked what was wrong i said nothing, as he walked away i whispers," Everything!"

I wanna be a girl that makes your bad days better, and the one that makes you say, "My life has changed because of her!"


A girl and a guy can just be friends, but at one point or another they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever!!

I love the way, i love you, I love your lil cheeky grin, i love when im around you, i love the way you hold my had and how you hold me tight, i love the feeling deep inside, when i think of you at night, your eyes, your laugh, your smile, and every little thing!

Me im scared of everything, im scared of what i saw. Im scared of what i did. Most of all im scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the way i feel right now, when im with you!


Have you ever laid your head down on the shoulder of a good friend and had to look away, Some how hiding the way you feel for them. Have you every prayed the day would come when you hear them say they feel it too....have you ever loved someone who never knew!


There’s always something more you’d wish he’d say!


How do you know if its right??And if its right, what if you’ve already let him go?


Friends are Gods way of apologizing for our families!


Me and my girls, we got class, mess w/ us will kick your ass and for all u lil hoes who think your it, compared to us you aint shit!


The question isnt would you die for your friends, its are your friends worth dying for?

Everything changes and nothings the same, but as we get older one thing remains, I was w/ you before and will be till the end for nothing on earth can replace my best friend!


A friend knows by the sound of your voice, by the look on your face, by the way you walk, and by the things you do, just exactly what kinda day your having.

It really kewl when three strangers become friends, but really sad when three friends become strangers!


A friend will be there to bail u out of jail, but a best friend will be right beside you saying, "Damn girl, that was fun!"


Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard!

Don’t ever be afraid to come to me and cry- don’t ever hesitate to look me in the eye- don’t ever be afraid to tell me how you feel- Remember were girls and we gotta keep it real!


Boys are on our minds, being cute is our kind, so step aside and let us through, because its all about me and my cute ass crew!


Everyone hears what you say, but friends hear what you don’t say!


Without realizing it you taught me a lot of things, not only about life, but about what true friendship can be like. Please do me a favor and never give up...not on yourself, not on other people, not on your dreams, or anything!


Let me ruin your life, let me break your heart, then ill ask why cant we be friend? Let me rip your world into little pieces, let me destroy who you thought you were and then ill ask, why cant we be friends???


Its best friends that u can call at 3am that matter!


Out of are minds, crazy ass times, not only best friends, but partners in crime!

Hilarious Funny Pickup Lines

Here are some hilarious funny pickup lines and some not so funny. These humorous quotes are not meant to be used, but if you believe you can get away with it, go ahead:

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Are you going to kiss me, or do I have to lie to my diary?

Why not be unique and different, just say yes

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you

Gorgeous, charming, witty, obviously intelligent.... well enough about Me! How are you?

If I received a dime for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have ten cents.

That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?.

I am like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts. Do you like nuts.

This week is Breast Awareness Week.... I stare because I care!

You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line

Are you talking to me! (No?) Must have been wishful thinking!

Hi, I am doing a survey on pickup lines. What's your favorite?

funny sex quotes

Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good!

Will work for food... Will beg for sex.

Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up?

The good old days: When sex was dirty and Michael Jackson was black.

What do you call kinky sex with chocolate? S&M&M

If God didn't want people to have sex, He wouldn't have made it so much fun.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it WRONG!

If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.

My sexual preference is: Often

I'm looking for true love. But I'll settle for cheap sex.

Practice safe sex. Go screw yourself.

I've given up bowling for sex because you don't have to take your shoes off and the balls are lighter.

Remember when sex was safe and motorcycles were not!

Safe sex is in the palm of your hand

Sex on television can't hurt you, unless you fall off.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

I gave up drinking, smoking and sex - Worst 15 minutes of my life

I'm not bald. It's a solar panel for a sex machine.

best honour students one-liners

If the kid is an honor student, he must not really be yours

Your child may be an honors student, but You're still an idiot.

My daughter turned down your honor student!

My honour student can drink yours under the table!

The future isn't what it used to be!

My honor student sells the best dope!

My kid beat up your honor student.

My kid got your honor student pregnant!

My kid sells term papers to your honor student.

Previous owner had an honor student!

Your child may be an honors student, but You're a moron.

Your honor student never gets laid!

Your honour student swallows!

Your honor student sells bumper stickers!

Classical movie quotes

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me (May West)

May the force be with you (Star Wars)

Do you feel lucky? Well do you ... Punk (Dirty Harry)

Here's looking at you kid! Casablanca)

You're terrible, Muriel

Show me the Money

I'll have what she's having (When Harry meets Sally)

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn (Gone with the wind)

You can't handle the truth (A few good men)

Go ahead Make my day

I love the smell of Napalm in the morning (Acopolipse now)

You talking to me (Taxi driver)

I'll be back (Terminator)

Success Quotes

The toughest thing about being a success is that you've got to keep on being a success.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows. (Aristotle Onassis)

Eighty percent of success is showing up. (Woody Allen)

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. (Theodore Roosevelt)

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

He has achieved success who has worked well, laughed often, and loved much. (Elbert Hubbard)

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. (Henry Ford)

Never let inexperience get in the way of ambition.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.(Sun Tzu)

How many a man has thrown up his hands at a time when a little more effort, a little more patience would have achieved success?. (Elbert Hubbard)

You see things and say Why?, but I dream things and say Why not?. (George Bernard Shaw)

Motivational and Inspirational Quotes

It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see (H. D. Thoreau)

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. (L. Brown)

Where ever you go, go with all your heart (Confucious)

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. (Douglas Adams)

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. (Victor Borge)

Eighty percent of success is showing up. (Woody Allen)

It's never too late to have a happy childhood. (Tom Robbins)

Study the past if you would define the future. (Confucious)

You don’t just stumble into the future. You create your own future.(Roger Smith)

Think for yourself and let others enjoy the privilege of doing so too. (Voltaire)

Life is what we make of it. Always has been, always will be.

Love Quotes - 2

Love conquers all.

Amor vincit omnia et nos cedamus amori

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another (H.L. Mencken)

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. (Robert Frost)

Love is like pi -- natural, irrational, and very important. (Lisa Hoffman)

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. (Ingrid bergman)

Love: Two minds without a single thought. (Philip Barry)

One good thing about Internet dating: you're guaranteed to click with whomever you meet.

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. (Sam Keen)

Things are beautiful if you love them. (J. Anouilh)

Love is being stupid together. (Paul Valery)

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. (Judy Garland)

Love prefers twilight to daylight. (O. W. Holmes)

Love is, above all, the gift of oneself. (J. Anouilh)

Love is an important part of a balanced life. (A.B. Ruighaver)

My favourite Life Quotes

A life spent making mistakes is more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

For every complex problem there is a simple solution that whon't work (H.L. Mencken)

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. (Albert Einstein)

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it (C Schulz)

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. (Douglas Adams)

A drink a day keeps the shrink away
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.(Elbert Hubbard)

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.(May West)

It's a dangerous business going out your front door. (J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring)

Study the past if you would define the future. (Confucious)

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.(Mark Twain)

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. (John F. Kennedy)

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. (Fran Lebowitz)

What you get free costs too much. (J. Anouilh)

Top ten Famous Quotes

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. (Robert Frost)

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. (Albert Einstein)

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. (Douglas Adams)

Eighty percent of success is showing up. (Woody Allen)

It's a dangerous business going out your front door. (J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring)

Study the past if you would define the future. (Confucious)

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. (John F. Kennedy)

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. (Fran Lebowitz)

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. (Will Rodgers)

It's never just a game when you're winning. (George Carlin)

Short catchy patriotic quotes

If you enjoy your freedom, Thank a Vet!

Proud to be American.

One country, one constitution, one destiny.

Freedom is at the core of every successful nation in the world.

Evil triumphs when good men do nothing (Thomas Jefferson).

United We Stand!

Australia! Love it or leave it.

Liberty is not Free!

Support our troops!

bumper sticker quotes

A hundred thousand sperm and you were the fastest?

Back off! I'm not that kind of car.

Cover me! I'm changing lanes.

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

Don't follow me. I'm lost too.

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Get off my ass before I start to like it!

Hello, officer. Put it on my tab.

Help! Daddy Farted, and we Can't get out!!

Horn Broken Watch for Finger

I'm a nice guy. My car is evil.

I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to work.

I'm looking for the right pedestrian to run over.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

I'm not playing with myself, just adjusting my jewellery.

I don't care, I don't have to.

I gave up drinking, smoking and sex - Worst 15 minutes of my life

I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.

I have a nice body. It's in my trunk.

I have good Brakes, Do you have GOOD Insurance?

I may be slow but I'm ahead of you!

I respect your opinion. Just don't want to hear it!

If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

If you don't like my attitude, stop looking at my Stickers!

Invest in America. Buy a Congressman!

It's time to pull over and change the air in your head!

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

Lord give me patience... Hurry!

My other car is also a piece of junk

This Is Not An Abandoned Vehicle

Top ten les quotes.

Nobody knows I am a Lesbian

I like Girls that like Girls

Just for Girls!

Sorry. I don't do guys!

I love bad girls!

Lesbian... Addicted to Girls only!

Some Girls like these too!

Lesbian... Cause I can't kiss myself!

Life's too short to dance with a man!

No unauthorised entry... Girls only....!!!

Top tax quotes

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors ... and miss.

Born free. Taxed to death!

Drive carefully, we need every taxpayer we can get.

Smile and the world audits your taxes.

Support the Math Illiteracy Tax - Buy Lottery Tickets.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

The best things in life are free plus tax.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

Fight organized crime. Abolish the IRS.

freedom quotes.

We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home.

None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe they are free.

If we do not believe in freedom of speech for those we despise we do not believe in it at all.

Freedom is at the core of every successful nation in the world.

Freedom cannot be bestowed: It must be achieved.

There is no road to freedom, freedom is the road.


Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves (A. Lincoln)


Freedom does not come for Free!

Caged birds sing of freedom, free birds fly.

Top political quotes

Politicians & Diapers need to be changed, often for the same reason

Annoy a Liberal. Work hard and be happy

Don't blame me. I voted.

I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.

Don't be stupid. We have politicians for that!

Support Capitol Punishment, Flog a Politician Today!

Under Republicans, man exploits man. Under Democrats, it's exactly the opposite!

Grow your own dope! Plant a politician!

Vote Conservative! There's no mistake like an old mistake!

Annoy a politician today. THINK!

The opposite of progress is Congress.

Most Popular T Shirt Quotes

I did London, I did New York, but I loved doing in India

Paris sucks!

Trust me. I'm a teacher

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar!

I have the pussy, so I Make The Rules

Trust me, I'm a lawyer

Ifyour eadthisyo uarestari ngatmyt its

They're real and they're spectacular!

Get a taste of religion. Lick a witch

Started out with Nothing. Still have most of it!

I am not a bum. My wife works!

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

Cherish Me Damn It

If you don't like what I am wearing... Feel free to undress me!

I know nothing about sex.... I am married

I can resist everything except temptation

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Marriage is one of the leading causes of divorce

No unauthorized entry!

I see dead people. Can I feel if you are alive?

If you can read this, please flip me back over

Get a taste of religion. Lick a witch

A dirty mind is a wonderful thing!

Size does matter!

Silicone Free!

51% Angel, 49% Bitch. Don't push it!

A good girl is Good, but I'm even Better!

Who needs brains, when you have these!

My Girlfriend says I need to be more affectionate.... Now I have 2 Girlfriends!

Not All Men are Fools, Some Stay Bachelors

Christmas Quotes

  1. I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."


  2. Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.


  3. I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas
    with a note on it saying, toys not included.


  4. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.

  5. The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.


  6. Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.


  7. From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

For smokers:


"The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette."


"If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast."

Sexy Quotes....

"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer."
"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best."
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." --Billy Crystal
"Sex is just like hacking. You get in, you get out. And you pray you left nothing behind"
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... The other eight are unimportant."-Henry Miller
"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy." Steve Martin
"Having sex can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner"
"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic." Woody Allen
"The psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty and I said, 'It is if you're doing it right.'" -Woody Allen
"In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact". Marlene Dietrich

Lovers

For literature lovers:

"Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie."-William Shakespeare

"Were kisses all the joys in bed, one woman would another wed." Shakespeare

For history lovers:

"My husband's German. Every night I get dressed up as Poland and he invades me."-Bette Midler

Only for clever, mathematically minded people:

"The angle of the dangle is equally proportional to the heat of the meat provided that the urge to surge remains constant." I must admit, that I still do not get this one, but I thought I would include it anyway to see if any of you do..!

Xtra Ones- 1

If you are not in the mood:

"The Parts That aren't Hurting aren't Working."

"I Don't Remember How to Do It."


For married people:

"My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects"

"Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him." Marilyn Monroe


Silly questions:

Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel? - Billy Connolly


For the lonely:


"I'm so good in sex because I practice a lot on my own"

"It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom"

"Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk"

"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all"

"I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women"

Software is like Sex. Its better when it is free

"Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love." Woody Allen

quotes About self assured womens

"Sex is like a bridge game; if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand." Mae West

"Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body part" Aimee Mullins

"Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got."-Sophia Loren

"I don't use my body to seduce, no. I just stand there." Ursula Andress

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

"It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be."-Brigitte Bardot

"Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship." Sharon Stone.

"It is better to be looked over than overlooked" Mae West.

"I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it." Mae West

"A hard man is good to find." Mae West

"I'm into bondage. I think it's really fun, and I love playing the part of the damsel in distress. ... The feeling is amazing when someone [spanks me] right." Dita Von Teese Said marrying rocker Marilyn Manson.

About Men and Woman

About men:

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." --Robin Williams

"Once they call you a Latin Lover, you're in real trouble. Women expect an Oscar performance in bed." Marcello Mastroianni

About Women:

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." --Robert De Niro

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." --Robin Williams

"There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes Benz 380L convertible." PJ O'Rourke

"A nymphomaniac is a women as obsessed with sex as the average man." Mignon McLaughlin

Too Hot

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel
Is that a mirror in your pocket because i can see myself in your pants.
God created sex. Priests created marriage
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute
It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden of eden.
if you were my homework i'd do you everyday in every possible way.
Fornication: Term used by people who don't have anybody to screw with.
Sex is only dirty when its done right... Can I show you how.
If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
Love comes in spurts
I'm not going bald, i'm just getting more head.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place
Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position
Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

Funy Sexy Quotes

  • I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.

  • Behind every great woman, is a guy looking at her ass.

  • Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.

  • Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.

  • Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

  • Don't do it behind the garden gate. Love is blind but the neighbors ain't!

  • My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.

  • There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.

  • Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.

  • When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.

  • Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... The other eight are unimportant.

  • Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

  • Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body part.

  • Any piece of clothing can be sexy, with a quietly passionate woman inside it.

  • Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

  • I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

  • Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

  • I know love and lust don't always keep the same company.

  • I know nothing about sex because I was always married.

  • In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.

  • But seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already.


Humour Quotes

• If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. - George W. Bush

• If I'd known I was going to live so long, I'd have taken better care of myself. -Leon Eldred

• Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you. -Langston Hughes

• He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamposts: for support rather than illumination. -Andrew Lang

• If you have wit, use it to please and not to hurt: you may shine like the sun in the temperate zones without scorching. -Lord Chesterfield

• I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive. -Anne Wilson Schaef

• Humor is that which most efficiently recognizes that we are living in an imperfect world, with imperfect arguments and things that are insane, illogical, and irrational. And the only way we can live with that fact is to laugh. -J. Barsoux

• Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. -Francis Bacon

• Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first. -Billy Sunday

• If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers. -Anon
It takes a lot of experience for a girl to kiss like a beginner. -Ladies Home Journal

• When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks. -Rita Rudner

• There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened. -Mary Kay Ash

• Only a fool expects to be happy all the time. -Robertson Davies

• I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. -Edith Sitwell

• Make crime pay, become a lawyer. -Will Rogers

• The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. - General George Patton

• You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. -Al Capone

• A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs, jolted by every pebble in the road. -Henry Ward Beecher

• I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying. -Woody Allen

• In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. - Dereke Bruce

• Seven days without laughter make one weak. - Joel Goodman

• I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. -Samuel Goldwyn

• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. -Emo Philips

• I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. -Woody Allen

• Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost. -James Thurber

• Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. -E. B. White

• A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. -Mignon McLaughlin

• A person without a sese of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. -Henry Ward Beecher

• You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it. -Bill Cosby


Too Nauty Quotes by-

•Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie. -William Shakespeare

• I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. -Joan Rivers

• My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. -Emo Philips

• To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it. -Cary Grant

• The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. - Gloria Leonard

• Graze on my lips, and if those hills are dry, Stray lower where the pleasant fountains lie. -William Shakespeare

• A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends must part. -Redd Fox

• When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. -Albert Einstein

• I was told that when you hit forty men stop looking at you. It's true, until you slip on a mini-skirt.-Mariella Frostrup

• A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials. -Ronald Knox

• Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. -Yul Brynner

• It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time. -Tallulah Bankhead

• I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know. -Garry Shandling

• A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. -Chauncey Mitchell Depew

• It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman. -Alexandre Dumas

• The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently. -Margaret Smith

• Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped.

• Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus. -Bob Rubin

• We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time. -Arthur Hoppe

• The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less. -Brendan Francis

• Any piece of clothing can be sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it.

• Sex is like nose picking. It's fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it's disgusting watching someone else doing it. -Roald Dahl

• There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. -Woody Allen

Compilation Quotes

"You May Shoot Me With Your Words,
You May Cut Me With Your Eyes,
You May Kill Me With Your Hatefullness,
But Still, Like Air, I'll Rise"

Heaven Won't Have Me And Hells Afraid I'll Take Over!

You Might Regret What You Do
But You'll You Regret What You Don't Do SO Much More

Fear Is Nothing But The Anticipation Of Pain, Be It Physical, Mental, Spiritual Or Emotional.

If Its A Good Idea, Go Ahead And Do It,
Its Much Easier To Apologize Then It Is To Get Permission

Don't Cry Over Anyone Who Won't Cry Over You

Things Maybe Not What They Seem
But Its Just Because Life Is Messed Up


"When One Door Closes, Another One Opens,
Sometimes We Look So Long At The Closed Door,
We Don't See The One That Has Opened..."

"Men Kick Friendship Around Like A Football And It Doesn't Seem To Crack.
Women Treat It Like Glass And It Falls To Pieces"


Don't Tell Me How To Pick My Friends,
I'm Good At That, Remember--I Picked You


if i worked as much as others, i would do as little as they...

the only things we regret in life are the chances we didn't take

~~~the Great Pleasure in life iS DoinG what People say u can NOT~~~

Forgive me now - tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty !!

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted...

If you can't convince them, confuse them...

You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word...

Romantica.....

I know i'm crazy about someone
when i take a longer way to class,

even if it means climbing an extra set of stairs,
just to walk by Her....



Sometimes...
the Sweetest eyes can be looking at you,
those are the Eyes that will never forget you,
but you don't Notice them,
until your eyes are fixed on the ones that will Break your heart !!


A Girl And A Guy Can Be Just Friends,
But At One Point Or Another
They Will Fall For Each Other..
Maybe Temporarily,
Maybe At The Wrong Time,
Maybe Too Late,
Or Maybe Forever...


A Break Up Is Like A Broken Mirror...
It Is Better To Leave It Broken
Than Hurt Urself Trying To Fix It Back Together...


I Look At The Moon And A Single Star,
It's Making Me Crazy Wondering Where You Are...
I Reach Out And Touch That Heavenly Face,
Open My Hand And There's Empty Space...


How Come You Have Enough Time
To Go Out And Make Other People Fall In Love With You,
But You Don't Have Enough Time
To Pay Attention To The One Who Already Does...


Never give up if you still want to try,
Never wipe your ur tears if you still want to cry,
Never settle for the answer if you still want to know,
Never say you don't love her if you can't let her go...



Nobody understands why I love you
But I don't want to tell them,
because I am afraid that
they'll fall in love with you too




-I Never Meant Tø Hurt Yøu-
-But-
-Yøu're Pretty When Yøu Cry-

-I Never Really Løved Yøu-
-But-
-I'm Pretty When I Lie-