Humour Quotes

• If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. - George W. Bush

• If I'd known I was going to live so long, I'd have taken better care of myself. -Leon Eldred

• Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you. -Langston Hughes

• He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamposts: for support rather than illumination. -Andrew Lang

• If you have wit, use it to please and not to hurt: you may shine like the sun in the temperate zones without scorching. -Lord Chesterfield

• I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive. -Anne Wilson Schaef

• Humor is that which most efficiently recognizes that we are living in an imperfect world, with imperfect arguments and things that are insane, illogical, and irrational. And the only way we can live with that fact is to laugh. -J. Barsoux

• Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. -Francis Bacon

• Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first. -Billy Sunday

• If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers. -Anon
It takes a lot of experience for a girl to kiss like a beginner. -Ladies Home Journal

• When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks. -Rita Rudner

• There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened. -Mary Kay Ash

• Only a fool expects to be happy all the time. -Robertson Davies

• I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. -Edith Sitwell

• Make crime pay, become a lawyer. -Will Rogers

• The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. - General George Patton

• You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. -Al Capone

• A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs, jolted by every pebble in the road. -Henry Ward Beecher

• I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying. -Woody Allen

• In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. - Dereke Bruce

• Seven days without laughter make one weak. - Joel Goodman

• I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. -Samuel Goldwyn

• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. -Emo Philips

• I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. -Woody Allen

• Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost. -James Thurber

• Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. -E. B. White

• A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. -Mignon McLaughlin

• A person without a sese of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. -Henry Ward Beecher

• You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it. -Bill Cosby